The Devil Made Me Do It

Tonight I will explore the world of witches and demonic things. Is there life after death? Are we all destined to return to new lives as Bangladeshi waifs or a pet dog? What is karma or nirvana? Is there a heaven or hell? What point has organised religion? This is our topic in lesson number thirty one – the Devil Made me do it.

Have you ever had a really spooky experience? One that you would definitely say convinced you 100% that there was something to the supernatural myth? Maybe you saw a ghost, or felt a strange presence, or had a curse placed on you, or even dabbled with voodoo dolls and ouija boards? I want you now to take a few moments and think about those experiences. Remember how it felt, the spine tingling sensation when you suddenly realised there was something supernatural going on. Can you feel it now? Do you remember where you were? Who you were with?

Now I want you to turn to each other in the room and begin sharing those stories with one another. Take a good ten minutes. I’ll see you all in workshop. I’m outta here. Bye!

CUT

Welcome back. You didn’t think I’d get out of it that easily did you? Of course not. This is a TV show after all, and not some kind of encounter group therapy session, so here is my show, shut up and listen. Thank you and good night.

CUT

Welcome back to Sojkalogical, the late night magazine-style theological talk show where we look at issues of religion, spirituality and life in general, in a non-judgmental, supportive and loving way, helping you, the viewer, come to terms with your empty and miserable TV watching lives. I’m your host, Stefan Sojka

Firstly tonight we have a letter from Little Kenny Willis, aged 13, from Mt Druitt, who writes.

Dear Father,

I am a normal boy, with a normal family, and I go to a normal school and play with all the other normal kids and do lots of normal things. Last week I called my mother a cunt-faced cock sucking whore, vomited a green biley substance all over my father, ran our pet cat, trixie through with a large carving knife, drank the blood, buried our dog up to its neck in the backyard and ran the lawn mower over it, then dug up the decapitated corpse and fucked it. Do you think this is normal for a child of my age?

Now Kenny, that’s a very interesting story, and a good question. And quite a common one these days as kids are confronted with so much consumer choice when it comes to religion. Kenny, your experimentation with Catholicism is healthy and good for you, but I would caution you against sticking with the one church at such a young age. There are many other equally exciting religions out there and a boy of your age should really shop around before deciding on which one is best for you. Next week you might try any number of other activities that could lead to all kinds of exciting possibilities, and you could get to meet some really interesting people at the same time. At your tender age, there would be many, many priests and holy men in different churches around the country that would love to get to know you.

Thank you Kenny Willis for that interesting letter. I hope my answer has helped you and all the other children watching.

That last letter segment was sponsored by my new self-help book, which I am very excited to tell you about now.

Have you ever wondered why your life really sucks? Why aren’t you rich? Why aren’t you famous? Can’t sleep? Over worked? Underpaid? No friends? Can’t find the love you really want?

Well finally the answer is here. Now you CAN have the love you always wanted, in fact more love than you could ever need. You can be rich beyond all measure, find true happiness, lose weight, sleep better, get fit, make friends, and do all those things you always say you want to do, but never seem to find the time to do them. Yes you CAN be happy, and you CAN have the life you always dreamed of, by reading my new book GOD, Profit and Power!!

In this book, I have searched deep within myself to find the hidden truth that lies within all of us, the power of the entire universe, the power of GOD. and I reveal to you the revolutionary techniques that will turn that power into PROFIT. Yes God, Profit and Power uncovers the mysteries that have until now have been hidden from humanity in a cruel conspiracy of evil, intended to keep the human race enslaved by the antichrist and living in a pit of fiery hell for all eternity.

These mysteries were revealed to me by GOD himself, after an intense and deeply spiritual meditation brought about by binge drinking, sleep deprivation and a cocktail of hallucinogenic substances and I now make them available to you in this astonishing new book. GOD PROFIT AND POWER. This is your key to the unknown worlds that you can now unlock to bring about more Joy, more abundance, and shag more people than you’ve ever shagged before. And get paid to do it!! Praise GOD. This is the good news GOD has for you, and he has chosen me to tell you all about it.

GOD is only $29.95 and a 118 page read away. 118 pages of insight, strategy, technology, tools, inspirational poetry, cartoons, crosswords, origami and legal disclaimers that will fill your heart, mind and soul with the power of GOD, the Power of the Universe, for the price of a family sized pizza.

You know you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, now it’s time to do something about it. Buy God, Profit and Power NOW and receive these two condoms absolutely free - to get you on your way, to a life of unlimited wealth, health and sexual fulfilment. RING NOW!!!

CUT

In my humble opinion, I truly believe that the universe is a totally awesome place. The laws that govern everything in it are at one incredibly simple, yet amazingly complex, and no human can really claim to know the ultimate truth, the ultimate good and evil, right or wrong, even if there is such a thing. Is something good or bad or is it just what it is? How can all the religions of the world be right, when they are each claiming that the other one is evil and they are the only true religion authorised by GOD.

How absurd this argument becomes. Traditional church leaders condemn the new age movement as the work of Satan, yet others embrace it as the true realisation of GOD and the second coming of Christ – Christ entering into us all, as we each become aware of our own spirituality as Christ did. Still others claim that all those who go to mass on Sunday will go to hell, while those who go to Mass on Sunday say it is those who go on Saturday who are truly damned. Still others claim that aborigines and Asians are savage ungodly creatures, and that every new disease that comes along is God punishing the wicked.

Many religions see what is happening in our world as the confirmation of the prophecies in their scriptures, yet they thought the same thing 1000 years ago at the end of the last millennium. I believe that the bibles “revelations” are historical accounts of events after Jesus’s crucifixion and what we have now is nothing more or less than the result of human beings making decisions and acting on them. Economics, laws, invention, scientific discovery, political decisions – these are the things that dictate how our world operates. If you choose to start a war, the result will be a war. If you decide to make drug illegal, the result will be a black market. It has nothing to do with GOD or Prophecy, it has to do with Human beings making decisions and acting on them.

Since the universe is such an amazing place, it stands to reason that we should keep our minds open to the fact that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE and not be dictated to by ancient books whose meanings are all but completely lost. We should use the power of the universe – to CREATE a world of our choosing where things run smoothly, where people are happy, where work gets done, where unnecessary harm to humans and animals is minimised.

Stop seeing us as helpless pawns in a cosmic game of Godly and Satanic chess, but as a race of living creatures that have evolved the power of conscious choice and the ability to organise ourselves to achieve amazing things. If there is GOD of any description, surely that is the one thing that he/she or it has blessed us with – the power to choose our own destiny.

And that is exactly what we are doing here tonight – we have all made a conscious choice to organise ourselves to come to the academy that Max has organised - to achieve great things. The magic – black or otherwise, good or evil, is simply in our very existence and our being here, and in the way we carry out our work. I hope I have managed to achieve another magical step along my path to media excellence tonight, one step more than I had made this time last week, and one step less than I will have made by next week. Praise GOD, praise you, praise MAX, halleluljah – AMEN.

And there you have it...in this program we explored the world of spirituality, religion – good and evil in the program which was entitled – The Devil Made Me Do it – perhaps he did – who knows? Who cares? I hope that at least I've made you think. Until lesson thirty one, a pot pourri this is Stefan Sojka wishing you good night and....sleep tight !!!