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INTRO
Good evening all and welcome to the awesome spirit of competition, crapping
on your opponents and shoving it in their face - achieving your dreams
against all odds that is Radio Lesson 30 here at the awesome Max Rowley
Media Academy 2000 the academy of the new millennium. It’s been
a phenomenal year for all the students here leading up to this great event
tonight. There is so much excitement in the room now as the lesson commences,
and I prepare to deliver the performance of my career, hoping for a PB,
maybe an academy record, possibly even a world record, in this event –
the10 minute Pot Pourri.
The10 pot pourri is one of the toughest events
at Academy 2000, combining style, creativity and finesse as well as guts,
determination and the will to succeed that only the elitist of the elite
students can ever dream to possess. When the entire programme is complete,
covering Ad Lib, Commercial, News, Editorial, The Eeire and Supernatural,
Comedy, A progress report and What not to do on Radio, the final tally
will be recorded in Max’s computer for all Eternity, and a ceremonial
workshop held, as a symbol of the ideals, the virtues, the agony and the
ecstasy that is Academy 2000. A truly Awesome programme from a truly awesome
media presenter - Stefan ‘GOLD GOLD GOLD” Sojka.
CHARIOTS OF FIRE
Yeah Hi there, and welcome to Sydney 2000 here at the beach VolleyBall.
I’m Randy Tool, and this is such an awesome day here and Bondi Beach,
This true blue Aussie Sport has really come along way since BayWatch topped
the ratings here in Australia, and popularised frolicking on the beach
with yer speedos pulled right up yer crack, and having the chicks perve
at your meat and two veg. Bondi has never looked better with the awesome
Stadium Bondi here, sponsored by MacDonalds, it’s really awesome
to see all the aussies drinking Budweisser Beer and wearing Gap Tshirts
and listening to the R&B and the Hip Hop - this is an awesome day
for Beach Volleyball, an awesome day for sport, and a totally awesome
day for Australia. Back to the NBC, I mean back the channel 7 studios.
I’m Randy Tool.
WALTZING MATILDA
COMMERCIAL
Ze Olympic flame ist eine great German tradition celebrating ze wonderbal
spirit off nazi germany since ze berlin games in 1936 unt especially during
ze var, ven ze flame vas burning ze books unt ze jews. Ze nazi party unt
ze german people are proud to be seeing ze flame burning in Sydney in
2 thousand. Congratulations Sydney for keeping ze spirit of ze final solution
alife. Ze Olympic Flame. Heil Hitler!
NEWS ITEM
The time is now ________ I’m Stefan Sojka… and here is the
news…
New Study finds Power lines are linked to cancer
New evidence that high-voltage power lines cause cancer by making particles
of pollution stick to people's lungs has been uncovered by a team from
Bristol University in England.
Its research shows that car exhaust particles get an electrical charge
from overhead power lines that makes them "sticky" - giving
people living close to the lines two or three times the average daily
dose of potentially damaging pollutants in their lungs.
Professor David Henshaw of Bristol University said the discovery was the
missing link that showed how power lines could cause cancer clusters -
something the global electricity industry has spent millions of dollars
researching without finding an answer.
That was the news to this hour.. I’m Stefan
“Gold Gold Gold” Sojka.
EDITORIAL
Yes our cultural centres of learning and scientific inquiry have become
tarnished by the lure of large amounts of funding from non-government
sources corrupting scientific method irreparably. Even when some truth
is revealed, such as the danger of high voltage power cables, the research
could well have been funded by the gas company. Does free enterprise belong
in our learning institutions? Could the world’s greatest future
discoveries for the benefit of mankind be halted because they might put
someone out of business? A cure for cancer would certainly not be good
for anyone in the chaemotherapy, surgery or funeral game. Breakthroughs
in political conflict resolution techniques would surely harm the arms
manufacturers. Insurance companies would lose big time if cars were 100%
safe or everyone took public transport. Do you really think a glass of
wine a day is good for you? Mmmmm….
This is 2MR Academy 2000 – Awesome radio
for the new millennium – it’s not just a radio show, it’s
a way of life.
EERIE AND SUPERNATURAL
And now onto the subject of the Eerie and Supernatural. I went to see
the Olympic basketball this morning, care of someone giving me a free
ticket. What I found eerie and supernatural was how so many people could
gather together to watch a few dudes throw a ball around and annoy each
other and try to throw a bouncy ball into a round hole at each end of
a large section of wooden flooring.
It was spooky how every time one group of dudes
ran down one end and put the ball into the hole, the crowd erupted into
cheers, squeals of delight and furious clapping, and when the other group
of dudes did the exact same thing, sometimes with even more finesse, there
was mild cheering some blatant sounds of disappointment and the occasional
polite applause. I just couldn’t fathom it. Was there some kind
of psychic connection? Some ectoplasmic energies emanating from the one
group of dudes and not the other?
The ones getting all the applause were from
a country called Angola, and the others were from Russia. Could it have
been a spiritual empathy thing, where the crowd intuitively knew that
incidences of crime, poverty and HIV are much higher in Angola than Russia,
so they needed a little more morale-boosting? It just astounded me, for
the entire four minutes I managed to sit there before leaving in utter
dismay.
This is 2MR and the time is now _____________
AD LIB
We return now to the dressage and showjumping. The horse now positioned
perfectly for mounting. The rider looking absolutely splendid in his top
hat, coat tails and what looks like a bloody great big whip stuffed down
his jodphurs. He motions to the horse, who trots up towards him and offers
his rear quarter for a perfect mounting. Oh look at the two of them, they
make a perfect pair, the rider gently easing himself into the horses favour
preparing for what will be the ride of his life. Not since London in 1904
have I seen such grace and style in such a difficult manouvre. The horse
is really enjoying himself now, and the rider showing absolute confidence
in his ability to come out on top.
Oh, the horse now moving away, proving a rather tough match for the rider,
I wonder if he can hang on long enough to finish the job. Yes it looks
like he’s going to make it – oh look at him now, he has a
huge smile on his face as he dismounts his ride and puts his whip back
in his jodphurs. A splendid effort, scoring well with his horse, Roger,
once again.
COMMERCIAL
You deserve a break, so do it in style. Enjoy
one of the range of Quality, current model, air conditioned Avis cars
and the world-class Avis service. Plus we’ll give you a book of
holiday vouchers valued at up to $300.00 offering discounts at major tourist
attractions. Call Avis now for further details. Avis – We Try Harder.
THINGS THAT CREEP AND CRAWL
Do you ever think about the next time you are going to encounter a bloody
great big Spider? I would guess that you all have had previous encounters
that you could remember vividly and tell us all about, so it stands to
reason that it will happen again – somewhere, some time, some how.
One might jump on your head, you might turn a light on and see it sitting
two inches from the light switch, you might walk through its web and it’ll
run away across your head and down your back. It might pop out from the
lining of your car roof while you are doing 100ks through a windy country
road, or even up from behind your bed. One thing is for sure – it’s
going to happen and you will be scared… the question is only WHEN?
COMEDY
An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip
of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew
and swallow one inch of the leather each day. After a month, the
medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief
shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
Now it’s time for some music…
MUSIC
Over music: GOD THIS SHOW SUCKS… Pot Pourri my ass… Of all
the fucking cruddy ideas for a fucking radio show, pot por fucking ree…
For God’s sake, Max – get a life. “SIGH!” Cough
Welcome back listeners to this special segment – What not to do
on radio… (POP)Professional Announcers such as myself have learned
by our mistakes, to guarantee a perfect show. Every tim. Every time ‘MUSIC
INSERT – (really loud)
We check all our settings before, during and after each programme to ensure
levels, inputs and outputs and musical interludes are all correct. (MUSIC)
Professional announcers hold the torch for the less experienced students
– setting the benchmark and giving them something to aspire to in
their radio training.
PROGRESS REPORT
Now it’s time for a quick progress report, and since this programme
has gone far too long already, let me just say that at lesson number 30
I am doing OK.
AD LIB ON FAVOURITE THINGS
My favourite things… just sharing the awesome spirit of Academy
2000 with you all – the joys, the heartbreaks, the triumphs, the
tribulations. The power of the dream of media excellence, the rush of
knowing that Australians throughout the room are hanging on my every word,
and rooting like crazy for me. The smell of victory when max calls out
my score, and the thunderous applause from the stadium lounges, even though
no-one remembered what score he even gave me last week. Yes, my favourite
thing is being here, right now, and sitting amongst you right there, yes,
that’s me, sitting there amongst you, right there sharing another
Golden Moment of Radio, this my Pot Pourri show, lesson number 30.
So there you have it, news, commercials, ad
libs, editorials, comedy, favourite things, errie and supernatural…
god it was a long and boring show!!!!! But it’s over now, praise
be to Jesus.
Next week is an interview program, so I get
to meet some of you in the studio and ask really profound questions, like,
what did you think of the Olympics? Think about it, and I’ll see
you all next week…
This is Stefan Sojka, saying BYE FOR NOW!!!
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