Millenium

Welcome listeners to this historic radio broadcast. I’m Stefan Sojka and this is my last radio 2MR program - for the millennium. Yes after 2000 years, I’ve finally decided to call it a day, Monday, in fact, and I’m hanging up my headphones once and for all. I won’t be gracing the airwaves again for a thousand years.

PLAY POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE

I am biding my time until the dawn of the new age has arrived, the third millennium, the new era of hope for humanity, of scientific solutions to the problems that plague us, of mystical wonder and spiritual awareness, the age of enlightenment, the age of Aquarius, the age of redemption, of new life, of forgiveness, or healing, of world peace, a world of unity, togetherness, harmony, liberty, justice, truth, yes I have a dream – to spend the next three weeks binge drinking and stuffing myself stupid and returning to the academy on January the 8th reborn, rejuvenated, revitalized and ready to embrace the utopian future that will descend upon us all the instant the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve.

What a crock!

Well here we are. Even though scientists are all in agreement that Jesus was born in 6AD, making this year officially 1994, we’re not going to let facts get in the way of a good party. As if last year wasn’t embarrassing enough hailing a new millennium a year early, now we are faced with the empty reality that the ticking over of our calendar has got absolutely nothing to do with the day-to-day reality of life on this planet. As that great philosopher Johnny Cougar once said “oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone” and this great insight has more recently been made crystal clear by the great modern day visionary, Bomb Funk MC, when he said “Yeaah, straight from the top of my dome
As I rock, rock, rock, rock, rock the microphone” .

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NEWS JINGLE

Here is the Millennium news, I’m Stefan Sojka

20,000 people drowned in shocking tragedy
Violence breaks out over trivial dispute
And hundreds mutilated and killed in savage attack.

Now the news in detail
20,000 people were drowned this year in a shocking tragedy that politicians and senior public servants are having a difficult time coming to terms with, leaving families distraught and grieving around the country. The victims, all smokers, had drowned in their own mucus, after developing advanced bronchial pneumonia and other lung disorders caused by sucking in bucket loads of smoke over a twenty to forty year period.

Outbreaks of vicious violence are reported to have broken out nation-wide after a series of disagreements ranging from accusations of infidelity to not putting down the toilet seat. Police Commissioner Ryan described the devastation as horrendous and unimaginable as hospitals received the stream of patients into the emergency rooms, treating people for concussion, severe bruising, broken bones, lacerations and some stab wounds. When asked about the alarming outbreak, Prime Minister Howard said that so long as they were married heterosexual couples brought together under God’s law, how they conducted their personal affairs was none of our business. He added that of course any reports of Dykes and Faggotts getting involved in such despicable acts of violence would be harshly dealt with.

Hundreds of people were recovering in hospital or dead after a vicious series of car crashes across the country. The crashes, which all occurred in the normal routine of travelling from A to B, have been blamed on the individuals involved as being their own fault, but critics are pointing the finger at the manufacturers of the deadly metal carriages and lax laws which allow vehicles to travel at deadly speeds without adequate safety standards. The injuries documented in the latest series of tragedies included limb amputation, face mutilation, disembowelment, shredded torsos and decapitation.

That ends the 2MR end of the Millennium news, I’m Stefan Sojka.

AULD LANG SYNE

As we face the end of the Millennium, I thought I’d take some time to look at the Millennium in Review. Yes, cast your mind back 1,000 years, and we find ourselves at the dawn of the second millennium. Prophets and Religious leaders rallied around and predicted the second coming of God in earthly form as people jumped off cliffs, others boiled their neighbours in oil, threw them into rivers with rocks tied to their feet, castrated them, cut off their hands and feet and fed them to wild dogs. Yes it was a time, much like our time now – of great enlightenment and spiritual purity, as the holy ones pronounced a time of great purification and a raising of the human spirit skyward.

As we watch the fireworks this New Years Eve, we can recall those great acts of holiness and feel safe that such similar acts are being performed today. The Palestinians helping the Jews to ascend to heaven by lynching them and throwing them out of windows, the Jews returning the favour by sending more Palestinians to their maker in a hail of rocket fire. We also see in South Africa, the blacks helping the whites reach divinity by carjacking them, and killing them, whilst spreading the good will and earthly riches of the Mercedes Benzs to the poor and meek, much as Jesus did in his day. And in America we see the results of a holy mission to remove the right to vote from the evil law breaking niggers in Florida, tipping the scale to the righteous and God-fearing George W Bush. Yes, evil never wins and the will of God won out once again in the world’s greatest democracy.

So here we are, the end of another year, another decade, another century, another millennium. Another pivotal moment in human history? Well maybe, but if you want pivotal moments in History, try the day Meatloaf’s “Bat Out Of Hell” went double platinum, or when Colgate developed triple stripe Toothpaste, or Palmolive Dishwashing Liquid became lemon charged! … or undoubtedly the greatest moment in human history - Saturday December the 9th - FORUM 2000!!

This is Stefan Sojka reminding you to join me in Three Weeks time for the beginning of a new era in radio, 2MR 2001. It has been an amazing year for everyone here, I am sure, and I know that next year will be even more amazing as we all work hard to achieve our goals and open up new doors on the way to media success. For myself, I will be continuing my training here at the academy and I hope that you all will too, as we share this journey together. Our destinies may be many and varied, but sharing this part of our journey through life has been, is and will be one of the most rewarding and enjoyable times, thanks to Max’s commitment to helping us along the way, and our desire to keep coming back to share in this vital stage of our personal development.

My next lesson in Radio, lesson 36, will be a pot pouree, which is always a lot of fun, dredging up a few blasts from the past and spicing them with something new. I hope to see you all here on January the 8th to share it with me, and I look forward to hearing your new shows, too. Have a great Christmas and a Wonderful time over the New Year festivities, and I’ll see you in 2001. Bye bye!!