Free Form

Hi everyone and welcome once again to another exciting instalment in my journey towards media excellence here at the Max Rowley media academy. I’m Stefan Sojka, and this lesson – lesson number 32 – is a free form show. This means that I can pretty much do anything I please. Now ordinarily this formula opens up the creative floodgates and out comes gushing an incredible plethora of script-writing genius, comedic brilliance and fascinating forays into worlds as yet undiscovered in the galactic realm that is my brain – but this week, I have dedicated 99.9% of the processing power of my god-given super-computer to something far more profound, far more earth shattering, far more relevant to the future of mankind – My Business Activity Statement.

The remaining point 1 of a percent of processing power has been devoted to writing this show.

Oh, of course not the entire point 1 of a percent, since portions of that has been devoted to involuntary and necessary tasks, such as breathing, circulatory, nervous and lymphatic system maintenance, and the occasional large bowel movement, but the balance, I assure you is totally committed to producing a show of unqualified excellence in the free-form genre. So hang onto your fiddly bits, lets get stuck into lesson number 32!!

MUSIC – Fight for your right

Most people don’t believe it when I tell them, that the voice you are about to hear actually is me, when I commenced training here at the academy.

The Max Rowley Media academy began as a Radio Acting school as far back as 1959. Before that, Max Rowley had commenced training as a student at the age of 18 at what was then called the Rosalinde Kennerdale radio Acting School

Yes I can hardly believe it myself. I can’t even get my voice that high any more. Thank you max, for your unswerving commitment, your tireless dedication, and those daily hormone injections.

MUSIC – CHILLI PEPPERS

It took $30,000, including a $7000 consultancy fee, to make it happen, but Mr Howard will have office curtains which fall all the way to the floor.

Having shifted out a lot of the seating in the PM's suite (too modern) & replaced the desk (too modern & then too low), the interior decorating PM wanted Thai silk curtains which did not stop at the window sill.

But, as a Senate Estimates Committee heard yesterday, making his wish come true was neither an easy nor an inexpensive exercise.

Apparently the decorating problem goes back to the Keating years, when the former PM had removed a "large circular lounge", or banquette, which occupied a bay window.

As a result, the curtains in that window were shorter than all the rest. In Mr Keating's time, this aesthetic problem was addressed with the installation of a marble window sill.

Mr Howard wanted long curtains, but the sill interrupted their fall. A consultant was called in to weigh the relative merits of removing the sill or installing new curtain tracks.

There were complications, the secretary of Parliament's Joint House Committee, Mr Mike Bolton, told the committee. "There were air-conditioning issues to be addressed & some lighting issues in the office as well, to allow us to hang these curtains appropriately," he said.

"They are an expensive curtain, I'm afraid."

Supply & fabrication of the silk curtains would cost $7,300, while building works would be in the order of $15,000. Mr Bolton said the work would get under way in the next parliamentary recess.

The time is now ___________________ I’m Stefan Sojka on radio 2MR

Hi, I’m a gigolo. Now when it comes to making a woman feel special, I’m the best. When her loveless marriage to her impotent husband drives her to make that special phone call – my mobile, 24/7 – I’ve got the moves, the style and the class to put a smile on her face that won’t go away until her next appointment. When the lights are dimmed and the romantic music is playing - she’s putty in my nimble hands. But when it comes to filling out my Business Activity Statement, I’m afraid I’m a bit of a klutz. So I called the Tax Office BAS help line and they helped it all make sense. Now I can concentrate on giving my clients multiple orgasms, AND putting a smile on little Johhny’s face at the same time. Hey, what can I say, I’m a smooth operator, baby. Call the ATO BAS help line now on 1300 456 789.

MUSIC

Well, the old adage, a short show is a good show, has absolutely no relevance here, but there you have it – my lesson 32 in radio. Hopefully next week, life will return to normal and although it will be a tV week for me – and a Pot Pouree to boot, I shall return to prerecording as I used to do, and like I should have done all along, with my lesson 33 of Radio – a first term formula. I am really looking forward to that, and hope you can join me then. Until next time, this is Stefan Sojka, saying goodnight, sleep tight, and don’t let the tax man bite!

Bye BYE!!!!