Back To Basics

(Present this opening lip synchronised)

Tonight I come face to face with you to present a "back to basics" program. In these shows I review the techniques often called upon in the television business, and those which require me to utilise style, pace and personality. To commence my lesson number thirty seven...

(SPIN AROUND)

CUT TO ME

Good evening, I’m Stefan Sojka, and here are the Channel Three news headlines…

IBM accused of knowing its machines helped Nazi death camp program
And and Explosion in illicit drugs in China torments authorities

IBM, the world's largest computer company, supplied data processing technology to the Third Reich, knowing it would be used to "facilitate persecution and genocide", a lawsuit filed at the weekend alleges.
The lawsuit, filed on the United States District Court in Brooklyn, was timed to coincide with the release today of a book, which the lawyers declined to identify, that explores IBM's links to the Nazi regime

China has admitted to a rapidly growing drug problem, with a 25per cent increase in the number of drug addicts and rising seizures of illicit drugs.
New figures released by the National Narcotics Control Commission at a conference in Beijing show there were 860,000 registered drug addicts in China by the end of last year.
An official white paper on narcotic abuse issued by the central government last June put the figure at 681,000.
The official figures suggest a sixfold increase in drug addicts over the past 10 years.

That ends the news for this hour, and now for the weather, brought to you by The Ericsson T28 Mobile Phone

CUT TO WEATHER MAP

After a fairly hot day today, with a maximum of 30 degrees around the city, it will be Fine tonight with Morning mist patches in the west.

A very warm to hot day expected tomorrow with cloud increasing and the chance of a late shower or thunderstorm. Light to moderate northwest to northeast winds and fresh northeast afternoon and evening coastal sea breezes.
Current Temperature: 27 degrees

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You are a new millennium person, you’re cool, you’re different, and you really know what makes this world tick. That’s why you won’t settle for anything less than – the T28 mobile phone from Ericsson. With its slim styling, flip out key pad access and novelty ring tones, The T28 screams “look at me! – I’m cool, I’m different” And you are. So get that tattoo, pierce that belly button, buy that scooter, and join the ten million other cool individuals that choose the Ericsson T28 for their unique lifestyle. There is only one YOU… there is only one Ericsson T28

And now it’s time to talk about something I really hate, and that is public toilets. I don’t hate them per se, but something about them really gets on my nerves. OK, you go to the toilet, you go to wash your hands,… so the tap is probably covered in germs, so you wash your hands thoroughly and try to splash water all over the tap in some vain hope that you might get rid of most of the germs, wash your hands again, turn the tap off, and you use the hand drier – great if it’s autobeam, but if it’s a push button one, you might use your elbow or something to turn it on, and remind yourself to wash your shirt as soon as you get home, now you dry your hands, and that’s it – you’re germ-free and ready to leave… but what do you find? The door opens inward!! The door handle is covered in germs of all the people who didn’t wash their hands, and all the people who did, but couldn’t be bothered drying them! Why do toilet doors open inwards?? You can kick the door open when you’re going in – but you weren’t covered in hepatitis then! Why can’t you kick the door open when you leave??

That’s enough ranting and raving for now . In a moment I’ll return with two guests for a quick quiz!

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Tonight I have with me two special guests _____________ and ______________

Tonights quiz is sponsored by Dr Philip Nitschke and Qantas new D V T package deal holidays. When it’s time to die, it’s time to fly.

Lets get stuck straight into it shall we. Check your buzzers and bells…

OK Question 1)

The distance from one side of a circle to the other, through the centre, is called the what?

2) What is the name of the device that pumps fuel into a car’s engine?

3) If it was your birthday today, what star sign would you be?

4) What does 10 cubed equal?

5) Which famous celebrity wrote Bob Geldof’s Autobiography?
6) If petrol tax is reduced by 4% and state land taxes increased by 6% whilst bank interest rates remain steady at 5 ½% What is the name of Britney Spears latest single?

7) Complete this sentence… The…

8) Kim Beazley reportedly lost about 40 kilos recently. Whilst John Howard has recently become embroiled in a 3 billion dollar tax scandal. Sorry, that wasn’t a real question, I was just saying it

Question 9) Here’s a musical question for you… what did AC/DC’s original lead singer, Bon Scott choke on?

A bonus question – Which highway was he travelling on at the time of his death.

And finally question 10) What are you going to do if you don’t get anything for Valentines day?

I would have accepted crying, binge eating, sleeping, or choking on your own vomit.

And that ends our quiz segment, and the winner is ________________Yay!!

Thank you guests, and we have come pretty close to the end of another show…..

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ANNOUNCER: (This is a lip sync')

So the basic techniques have seen the light of day once again. As you see I am a little two faced tonight. I am beside myself, and using the talents of _____________

and I'm using her body to bring my program to its' climax.

Until show number thirty eight where I let you know what I feel is a load of rubbish this is STEFAN SOJKA, saying, goodnight,… see ya!! ….stay cool, …hang loose, cop ya!! Abysinia samoa…..

_____________________would you mind if I stayed on in here for a little longer? I can't put my finger on why….

Until next week when my program is a load of rubbish............

(SAY OUT LOUD)
I can tell you right now this is the biggest load of rubbish I've ever sat through.

Good night!!!