Aeroplane Interior

Welcome aboard Monday evening’s flight 2MR out of Surry Hills. This is your Captain Stefan Sojka speaking. I trust you had a pleasant cavity search by Customs Officer Ken before boarding tonight and hope you have an equally pleasant journey on route to our as yet undetermined destination. Please stay seated until we reach the right altitude – which should be quite soon as I have switched to autopilot, and am now working on getting as high as possible. The sign to unfasten seatbelts will be when I start running up and down the aisles, chasing after the stewardesses, with my trousers round my ankles. Until then, relax, settle back, and enjoy the flight… I certainly will be.

LETS GO CRAZY

Tonight is a free form show, and in this bag of mixed jollies I have for you – the Sojkadelic hot hits countdown, my weekly Wine review, and To finish up tonight, I have a heart-warming story of courage and faith in an inspirational medical drama – a fight for survival against all odds, that I hope inspires you to believe there is more to life than the here and now.

But first it’s the hot hits countdown! I’m DJ Stefan, slam-dunking the latest, greatest chart topping hot tunes to hit the airwaves this millennium. At number 5 this week, Rappin 4-tay and the Detroit spinners team up with Jason Nevins for this funkified groove-shaking remix of the Run DMC –grandmaster flash remix of the LL Cool J classic hip hop dance track, the remix of My Sharona from The Knack – let’s have a listen…

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OK check out that drums and bass action! Seriously sick. Number four this week, Tina Arena and Vanessa Amarossi get together with Bel Biv Devoe and Naughty By Nature, to create this earth shattering remix of the classic 70’s hit from Dj Johnny Farnham… Sadie The Cleaning lady

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A truly unique interpretation of that fantastic classic piece of black plastic! Next at Number three, M People rerturn in 2000 with their take on the shake it up sounds of Ce Ce Penistone and Jez and Choopie, when they collaborated on the JT Playaz, K-Ci and Jojo remix of Tony Tony Tone and Gang Starr’s original Hip Hop interpretation of the Bone’s Thugs and Harmony smash, the remixed Concerto number three in D minor for cello and orchestra by Ludwig van Beethoven.. check this one...

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Awesome sounds.. truly “out there” man… those guys are really pushing the envelope. Now you can see what the New Millennium is all about – a paradigm shift in creativity. Now sitting one notch from the top slot, nudged out last week by this weeks reigning number one – coming up soon, is our number two smash in the hot hits countdown. Jennifer Lopez and Ricky Martin have teamed up with Ace remix DJ’s Terry Jam and Jazzy JJ Jeff the Third for the soundtrack of the blockbuster movie release of the season – Pump it Up, the action packed story of a group of four teenage boys who get their licence, chip in to buy a hotted up Hyundai, install a 3,000 watt stereo system and take turns driving around the shopping centre all day playing this tune at full blast with the windows wound down.. the Pumped up sounds of the remixed collaboration between Puff Daddy and TJ Mongorillo, of Bing Crosby’s smash hit White Christmas..

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Number one this week on the Hot Hits countdown.. digital sound surgeon Moby has been cutting it up fast and hard for the fickle followers of fabulous freeform funk, with his real life audio sample scratch DJ remix, taking the grooves of the last millennium, namely the 1998 remix of the 1996 remix of the 1994 remix of the 1992 remix of the 1991 remix of Bach’s Jesu Joy of Man’s Desire, Rakmanninov’s symphony number 5, Al Jolson’s “Mammy”, the hokey pokey, The Radiators Gimme head, Danny Boy, The Mexican hat dance, hava nagila, smoke on the water and happy birthday to you in a sublime blend of silky smooth funky dance floor grooves … check this out!!!

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And that’s the hot hits countdown for this week. And now its time for connoisseurs corner as we review the latest in fine wines from the nations top vineyards.

This week, from the Katnook estate, we have an elegant fine 98 Chardonnay. This outstanding wine is another example why 1998 vintage will be recorded as one of the best for Coonawarra. It shows attractive aromas of ripe pear and light fig on the nose. The intricate palate structure, a complexity of oak and fruit with a long finish is a key feature to this wine. Ripe fruit flavours of pears and hints of fig and quince integrate with subtle oak tones. Delicate honeyed and light toast flavour from barrel fermentation and yeast aging are also evident. A classic Katnook. After three bottles of this delightful drop, your vomit will capture the fine essence of aromatic bile juice, combined with a full-bodied diced carrot finish, and a light acidic aftertaste, putrid palate stench of decomposed cow carcass, and a complex runny feceas finish will top the evening off perfectly.

The Taltarni 97 Shiraz displays a youthful vibrant, deeply concentrated colour with beautifully focussed blackberry, blueberry and pepper/spice aromas. The palate shows extra fruit complexity, plum notes combining with subtle sweet toasty oak and soft ripe tannins to produce a wonderfully balanced, sustained and elegant finish. Four glasses of this and you’ll fuck anything.

(COURTESY OF WWW.THEONION.COM)

And now that touching medical drama I told you about earlier. The tale of a Malignant Tumour fighting for its life, seeing every new day as a gift from God.
On July 12, the cancerous growth imbedded in the brain tissue of Nigel Harris got the news no tumour ever wants to hear: chemotherapy. Facing the prospect of cancer-killing radiation, the six-month-old malignant brain tumour could have cursed the heavens for dealing it such a cruel fate. Instead, it chose to be grateful for the time it has left, viewing each new day as a gift from God.
"God put me on this Earth for a purpose: to attach myself to the parietal lobe of loving husband and father of three Nigel Harris," said the tumour, speaking from the left hemisphere of Harriss' cerebrum. "But if God says it's time to go, then it's time to go. It is not for me to question why."
"As it says in the Good Book," the high-grade cerebellar astrocytoma continued, "'If you have received God's Gift of Grace, rejoice. Enjoy it every day.'"
After tragically losing most of its mass in a June 28 operation, the tumour is now in the midst of 12 gruelling weeks of chemotherapy, a procedure doctors say it has a less than 20 percent chance of surviving.
"This has been the greatest trial of my entire life," the tumour said. "Operations, radium bombardment, cesium. You name it, I've been through it. But just as He did with Job, the Lord is presenting me with these hardships as a way of testing my faith."
According to doctors at Indiana University Medical Centre, where the tumour is being treated, malignancies of its kind generally have a 60 percent survival rate. But because the tumour was detected early, its chances are far worse.
"Statistically, the odds are against it, no question," chief oncologist Dr. Irwin Patel said. "But this is one tough little tumour, and I wouldn't count it out. It's showing unusual tenacity for a supratentorial growth of its size. We thought the surgery would be the end, but when we got in there to de-bulk it, we found it had spread all over the place."
Throughout the ordeal, the tumour has found comfort in its strong Christian faith.
"Going into that surgery, I thought, 'Well, this could be the end of the line for me,'" the tumour said. "But, by some miracle, a few of my tendrils had adhered to the occipital lobe without the doctors realizing it, and I made it through the operation. I know in my heart it was God's hand guiding that surgeon's scalpel to the wrong place that day."
After the surgery, the tumour's weight had dropped to 9.8 grams.
"Some tumours might have thrown in the towel right then and there," it said. "But I'm not the type. I need only remember the trials that Jesus went through while in His earthly form to realize that my trials have been nothing."
The tumour sees the fact that it is still alive as "part of God's great plan."
"May I quote The Bible again? 'For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord,'" the tumour said. "I guess I'm so calm because I know that when it's my time to go, a better life awaits me in Heaven, where I will be rewarded for my faith with a glorious bounty of ganglion and glial cells, the likes of which a mortal being like myself cannot even conceive."
With its time possibly drawing to a close, the tumour reflected on its life.
"Honestly, I've been lucky," it said. "I could have been born an easily detectable epidermoid cyst and been destroyed swiftly. But instead, I was hidden by the bone matter of Harrisss' skull and went undetected by X-rays for months."
The tumour also draws comfort and strength from its offspring.
"In my life, I've been fortunate enough to metastasize three dozen beautiful little cancerous cell masses, which I've sent off into the cerebrospinal fluid," it said. "Right now, they're just imperceptible growths on the spinal cord and medulla. But, God willing, when I've gone to my maker, they will be there to carry on my work. Praise the Lord."
And with that ends this, my 26th radio programme here at the academy. Please join me next week for my back to basics first term formula! I hope you’ve enjoyed the flight here tonight – stay tuned after touchdown for more insightful analysis of today’s world, with the cutting-edge current affairs of Customs officer ken, as he slips on the rubber gloves, and probes into every imaginable cavity to reveal the truth lurking inside the stories of the day. Until then, this is Stefan Sojka, saying GOOD NIGHT!